After His Whole World Changed, Our Son Needed Us with Him to Feel Safe
By An Adopt4Life Community Parent
My son’s first year with our family was terrifying for him. He was faced with a new school, new neighbourhood, new home, new parents, new friends, and a new surname. Understandably, it was hard for him to find words to express just how overwhelming this was. Instead, he communicated the complex mix of emotions he was having through daily meltdowns that left us all worn out. Throughout this chaotic time, we realized how important it was to have one parent at home full-time, to devote all their attention to helping our son start to feel safe in a world that often felt very dangerous to him.
When I was on parental leave, one of the best parts of each day was the walk home from school. Walking side-by-side, my son seemed more comfortable opening up and telling me about his day. Most afternoons we would stop at the park to play hide-and-seek, swing on the swings, and hang out with other friends and their parents. These walks stand out as one of the most important ways that my son and I attached during parental leave. Every game of tag, every goofy joke—even the arguments about whether he needed to wear his coat—were all small steps to deepening our attachment.
As the end of the 35 weeks of leave approached, my son and I would sometimes cry, thinking about how much we would miss our walks home from school. When I went back to work, we eventually adjusted to our new, more rushed schedule, although not gracefully or easily. It was one more tough adjustment in a year that had already seen too many of them.
We would have benefited so much from 15 more weeks of devoted time—15 more weeks of walking home from school together. For the sake of all the other new parents moving through chaos, as their children settle into new lives, I hope our government will understand how important it is to grant adoptive families more time to attach.
The opinions expressed in blogs posted reflect their author and do not represent any official stance of Adopt4Life. We respect the diversity of opinions within the adoption, kinship and customary care community and hope that these posts will stimulate meaningful conversations. Our #timetoattach campaign continues with the aim to adapt public policy to introduce 15 weeks of parental leave (attachment leave) for adoptive parents and kin and customary caregivers. As we, along with Western University and the Adoption Council of Canada, have worked to bring awareness to this important support required for families and children, it has been so important to share the real experiences of parents and their children as they sought to form healthy and lasting attachments. Find out how to share your story.