As we navigate through this mix of excitement and nostalgia, I can't help but think about a few things I wish we had known back when we were fresh to the whole post-adoption scene.

Friend, if you’re feeling overwhelmed and like you’re not doing enough, know that you are taking care of yourself the best way you can in this moment.

Personally, I was not aware of any ‘open’ adoptions when I was growing up. I knew there was a difference between ‘public’ and ‘private’ adoptions but that was the extent of my knowledge of ‘different’ adoptions.

"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." This quote by Maya Angelou is one of my favorites.

"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." This quote by Maya Angelou is one of my favorites.

When I think about all the buzz word of the past ten years, I’m hard pressed to find one more used than “self-care.”

Before I began my adoption journey, I knew I wanted my child to stay connected to her biological family as long as it was a healthy and safe connection.

So, I present to you, one stressed out Mama’s guide to openness and the holidays.

We have learned to sit with this grief, though, while intentionally savouring the small, joyful moments we share during the holidays and practising gratitude for this wonderful, messy family filled with love.

Christmas isn’t so magical, but every year we try hoping for progression, change, a glimpse of happiness...

For the parents out there struggling... I see you.

And it is in these truths—that parenting is hard and it so matters—that our commonalities remain; a reality that brings us together. 

When entering this new world, this new home, you are never navigating your demons alone.

Developmental Trauma (DT) can lead to profound brain and body changes that put people at risk over time. The brain and body change in order to adapt to the stress that a person is living and experiencing. At the time, it is the brain and body’s way of responding and surviving—through adaptations—the adverse stressful experiences.

Developmental trauma impacts little ones deep within, it prevents them from growing up with curiosity, with a heart open and ready to embrace the world. The journey through adoptive parenting is complex and at time so very challenging. But when we sit still for a moment, and look at how far our children have come in order to develop trust (through their exhausting testing), we are reminded that, healing is possible.

Let’s dance. That is what we do, my son and I. We dance. We dance around so many things in our lives. It is a dance learned from the extreme trauma and loss my son experienced in his early life. It is a dance I learned instinctively in what I now know to be therapeutic parenting. It is a dance for our survival, individually and together.

Today my son’s fish died, and for the first time in 5 years, after spending time in attachment therapy, learning therapeutic parenting, taking courses and hours of research, my son was able to identify his real emotions. Thanks to Mr. Fish for giving my son the opportunity to learn from this.

Adopting a child was something I'd always thought would happen at some point in my future, but I certainly never set out to adopt a child with special needs or Down syndrome, let alone as a single parent. But alas, this is my story—our story—and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Reflecting on why I do what I do—I think of my daughter. It was her experience and allowing me to share in her joy of knowing that she isn’t the only one, that I now get it; Adopt4Life is for our children as much as it is for us parents. Adopt4Life is about community! This is my why!

Adopt4Life isn’t just an organization, it isn’t just a group of families trying to support one another through access to resources, advocacy and support. Its about belonging, acceptance. Its about giving, and receiving. Its knowing where to go when you are having a hard time, and sharing in a success that only a certain few would really get. It’s having someone on the other end of the phone who truly gets it, and who can not only help you though it, but go though it with you

This our Adoption Journey and our perspectives only. Being Adoptive Parents has been the most challenging and rewarding experience in our lives, we wouldn’t trade it for the world. We just pray that we do right by our children who we love very much and pray they grow up to be wonderful amazing people, as the wonderful amazing children they are!